I’m always so curious when people find it odd that I live in the state I grew up in.
Which, one part of me always wanted and expected, while the other part was vehemently opposed to.
“I’ve been here three years and I never get to talk to anyone who actually grew up here!” -
Said to me yesterday in a meeting.
But, as my day went on and I interacted with more and more of my new teammates, I realized, wow, yeah, no one is actually from here.
Which, living in the DC area, I had become accustomed to. But here? No. It can’t be.
I live about a mile from the hospital I was born in, ~15 minutes from the house I grew up in, which, incidentally, was the same house my mom grew up in.
I went to the same middle school as my mom, my sister, my brother, and my niece.
It’s always a city I adored. But, maybe it was the neighborhood, or the memories. It was a city I never actually expected myself to move back to.
It’s a city I have come to appreciate again, mostly our winter weather, or lack thereof. But still surprised to be back to. Driving down the same streets I used to as a kid, or a teenager, but ten, fifteen years later. Memories flooding back, remembering the concerts, and the swim practices, and the endless laughter.
There was something I wrote over summer, back when mark and I both got Covid, where I had been stuck in bed for weeks and was angry at the world and desperately missing the east coast.
Feeling homesick. Even though I'm "home" - the place where I grew up, but not the place where I became me. I'm homesick for a place that didn't feel like home when I was there. And now that I'm not, I miss it.. more than I thought I would.
I spent 8 years in Northern Virginia. I even tried to escape it once, 15 months after first arriving, I left, and I went back "home". Within 6 months, I was back in NoVA.
There's a certain charm to life in the DMV area. Maybe it was moving there with $1,000 to my name, no apartment, and no furniture - just what I could fit in my car. Maybe it was my first "real job". Maybe it was walking around Lincoln Memorial at dusk or running down the national mall in the morning.
Wherever you turned, people were moving. Mornings started early and nights ended late. People didn't seem to sleep, myself included. I was young, sure, but it didn't bother me.
I started CrossFit. I got my first solo apartment. I made my first adult friends. I adopted Sammie, well, really, Sammie rescued me.
I experienced the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. I had my heart broken. I had incredible job opportunities and experiences.
And I met Mark. <3
Would I change it? No. I was ready to leave when we moved to Hawaii, I was ready for something new. But damn do I miss it.
Arizona feels like it's trying too hard. It doesn't have its own identity anymore, like it’s having a bit of an identity crisis. It's not California, as much as it wants to be, and it's not Texas. The food is mediocre at best, the hiking busy. The best thing it has is its winter.
I guess it's a weird feeling being homesick for a place you never truly considered home.
I know I am romanticizing Virginia/DC a bit; it wasn’t without it’s own issues - traffic was terrible, cost of living was high (but really, it’s high everywhere anymore), and it could be cut throat (but it also had some of the most incredibly genuinely amazing people).
And I don’t think there’s any one perfect place, and I know there would be frustrations with being back in the DC area, just as I have here. And acknowledging that makes it easier. There is a lot of good to Phoenix, especially that I can be closer to family. Did I mention our winters? It’s truly the best part about this city.
Sure, it’s changed. But haven’t we all? That’s not a bad thing. And I haven’t even been here a year, I haven’t found my groove, we’ve found some great coffee places, and even a few good restaurants.
Is it as charming as the east coast? No. But it doesn’t need to be. It’s Phoenix. We’re a cowboy town mixed with Los Angeles. There’s a lot of glitz and glamour intertwined with the pony express and rodeos. We’re the second most popular destination for bachelorette parties, but Old Town Scottsdale has always had its silly party scene. We have some darn good Mexican food (Chiwa’s!) and our winter weather barely dips below 35 degrees. Snow is only a few hours away and there are plenty of outdoor activities year round.
It’s home. For now. Maybe forever, maybe not. I don’t know what the future holds, but I am keeping my mind open to potential opportunities here or elsewhere.
Thanks for reading.
xx.
P.S. It’s Sammie’s 10 year gotcha day. One of the best things that ever happened to me was meeting her.