This one is weirdly a bit scary for me to put out there (even for the 3 people who read this) but had some feelings I needed to get out. <3
I distinctly remember my naive little middle school self saying “I don’t have regrets!”
Hah.
Oh! To be young and naive again.
No, I certainly have my fair share of regrets of varying degrees. The ones I forget about almost immediately, horrified I said the “wrong thing” but have no recollection of a few days later. For leaving a job because I was too impatient to wait for a promotion. For leaving a different job because of my imposter syndrome and inability to believe in myself.
But the big one?
For buying our first house.
It’s not the buying of the house, it’s the buying of this specific house. For working with the real estate agent we did, who, quite frankly, did absolutely nothing for us.
Like when we got our inspection report back and she said nothing to us about it. Didn’t point out any issues or things we should be concerned about (some pretty major electrical issues, for example, amongst other things). And, yes, I know I also blame myself for not reviewing it closer as well.
For myself not being more open to other houses, or locations. For nixing a great house with a two-car garage, for the same amount of money, but not as nice a kitchen and a bit further drive (but also, near ALL the trails). Ugh. That’s a tough one.
And also, probably, a lot of other houses that we just didn’t have time to look at nor an agent who made us feel like we were important. Who didn’t really send us much of anything we were interested in, so I spent an unreasonable amount of time on Zillow.
I know I shouldn’t hold this in, and I know I shouldn’t be upset with myself, and I should just be a goldfish, but I can’t.
This house has been nothing but a headache. And I’ve shed about 15020893 too many tears over it. It’s gorgeous, don’t get me wrong; the wide-open kitchen/living room/dining room would be great.
If the outlets in our kitchen worked.
Or if you could run more than one appliance at a time.
And if the people who remodeled it hadn’t put the fridge on a GFCI outlet. In case you didn’t know, that’s bad.
Which, wouldn’t you know, was in the inspection report, but not mentioned by our agent.
Who knew I was out of town when the report came in, and knew we were on a weird timeline with the whole moving from Hawaii thing and also having work trips scheduled and Mark starting his new job all the while living out of my parents’ house in Prescott.
Who knew we had never purchased a house before.
Who was supposedly all about helping first-time home buyers.
I digress.
Moving into your first home is supposed to be magical, fun.
I know I should love this house and, yes, I am so beyond grateful to have a roof over my head, and the ability to buy a house. I understand my privilege and how lucky I am to have an otherwise stunning home that fits our vibe so well.
But. I sometimes feel this dread when I’m on my way home.
We have feral cats everywhere and they like to pee and poop on everything. The cars, the yard, the house. Our neighbors are assholes no matter how many times I try to wave or say hello. We don’t have a garage (which, see above, my fault) and the process to get one is so absurdly long and complicated. Electrical issues, a ridiculous amount of money spent on this or that. Etc. Etc. Etc.
I can’t wait to get out of it.
Which is terrible.
But it’s the truth.
For every step forward, it feels like five steps back.
Like the “stop work” notice we got recently because we put up a temporary wall to keep the cats away from the Lotus.
(Oh and, thank you City of Phoenix person, you were actually very kind and helpful. I’m not mad at you, person who will never read this, I’m annoyed with this house and this neighborhood.)
That’s it, that’s the story. Just a lot of stress and anxiety about something that I know I should and will (eventually) get over. But right now, is not that time.
It’s new job week. I have done basically 0 coding or red team training. But I’ll get back to it. (trying) to give myself some grace on not being super productive every second of every day.
xx.
I have the same issues with my first house right down to the electrical issues. Fun fact my fridge, stove, and microwave are on EXTENSION cords just to work. You can’t plug into one outlet without the circuit breaker going off in another room as well. My lights in the living room don’t work. My outlet in my half bath doesn’t work either. And no one will fix it because the circuit breaker is in the bedroom which it shouldn’t be. I hate my first house and can’t wait to move out.