21. never quit on a bad day
how I'm trying to be a bit more mindful of my thoughts and actions when things get tough
I almost took a new job a few weeks ago. I wasn’t (and still am not) actively looking, but a recruiter reached out to me and I figured it doesn’t hurt to at least have a conversation, especially considering how things have gone recently.
It was tempting.
Even despite all the red flags - the endless interviews, the racist comments, the feeling of just being a box to check, the bait and switch on the job they were considering me for, reaching out to an old boss without informing me (who was thankfully so open to helping me out in the situation) - I really was considering it, still, even though I wasn’t feeling it and I wasn’t getting good vibes from it.
It was still tempting because I’ve had a rough go at it these past few months. It’s been stressful to say the least, and I haven’t had the support I need to succeed. It feels a bit like Sisyphus rolling a boulder up a hill if I’m being honest.
And that initial call came at a time where I felt like I was at the height of my stress, my unhappiness, questioning what I could reasonably handle in this job. Where certain individuals were actively working to undermine me and the work I have put into this organization, spreading lies to leadership in an attempt to make me look bad.
So when someone came knocking at my door, I jumped at the opportunity to talk, especially because things were so bad, but probably would have even if they were just okay. It’s something I’m actively trying to balance though, because the grass is certainly not always greener, which I’ve learned the hard way on more than one occasion. I am learning there are times for conversations and there are times for a respectful thanks but no thanks.
I read a quote recently from Nastia Lukin, gymnast, five-time Olympic medalist and 2008 Olympic all-around champion, saying “never quit on a bad day”.
“Never quit on a bad day”
I’m guilty of this: two times in the workplace where I actually have some regret for, and countless others in my personal life. Like leaving two different jobs, that, looking back were incredible opportunities that I talked myself out of. Or when I was in 6th grade and my swim coach threw a chair in the pool at me and then proceeded to yell at me while having an asthma attack (honestly, looking back, that was probably a panic attack).
I stopped swimming for almost two years after that, even though the pool was literally my life.
I’ve mentioned to Mark a few times I have had a hard time trusting my decision-making process recently, something I’ve always been decently good at. I’m really good at reading people and I’m (usually) really good at trusting my gut. But these past few years I’ve been stuck, sitting, waiting, wondering how to fix that.
Looking back, I think a lot of that was because I was making these big, major, decisions on the worst of days. Days where I’m my most stressed, most unhappy self. How could I reasonably expect myself to make a good decision in that frame of mind?
Clearly, I couldn’t, and didn’t. I read this quote right around the time I was in final talks with that company, and then they asked, last minute, for me to drop everything and come in for a fifth interview. I really think it was the best thing for me hearing this because between that and having a lot of really tough conversations with myself, with Mark, and with some friends, I realized this wasn’t a good fit. More money wasn’t worth it.
It’s something I really need to work on. It’s not not quitting, it’s making sure I have a clear mind when and if the thoughts arise and I want to take action. Whether that be at work, or literally anything else.
I’ve stopped and started school to get my real estate license 4(?) times at this point. I’ve finally made it through all the required licensure hours, and now I’m just focusing on preparing for the actual exam, but with the new puppy, and work being a little crazy lately, I haven’t had as much time to focus as I’d like. And I start my MBA in a little over a month, plus Nationals, plus planning our elopement thing.. it’s a lot. I’m trying to give myself grace to just, not do anything some days, but for my type A, Virgo, perfectionist (not necessarily in a good way) self, is really hard to do.
It’s time for me to get back to trusting myself and my intuition first and foremost. And that means working on my patience, my resilience, my resolve. From there I can start working on these big, grand plans I have in my head and start executing on them. Because if I’m good at anything, it’s executing. But I can’t successfully execute anything if I don’t have a clear head and I’m constantly doubting myself.
This was really cathartic to write; these are all thoughts that have been living rent free in my head for a bit too long now, and I find it really soothing to get things down on “paper” occasionally.
Time to get back to work. By the time this goes live, we may be the new owners of a (new to us) 2001 NB Miata. I will also be talking to a potential wedding photographer who does some really beautiful work, because even though I am eloping, I still want some good pictures out of it.
xx.